A Reddit user who posted a note about her cousin’s plans for her wedding should skip the event, said other users, while an etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the couple’s plans violated etiquette norms.
The couple had some rather unusual ideas for their wedding, including mailing cards to people who were not invited before the event, user “joyousfoodie” said in a recent post on the website’s “r/WeddingShaming” subreddit.
In the post, the woman said her cousin is getting married soon and “they are planning a small garden wedding.”
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“It’s a semi-destination wedding,” she said, noting that it is about five hours away. “They wanted it small with just family and friends due to budget.”
While joyousfoodie is fine with both the location and size of the wedding, several aspects of the upcoming wedding did concern her.
“I just found out that the wedding couple are sending ‘cards’ to people [who] are not invited that they are getting married soon and ‘you are in our hearts on this special day’ before the wedding,” she wrote.
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“Their excuse is for the sake of ‘curiosity and thinking of them,'” joyousfoodie wrote, “but what I don’t understand is why send this before the wedding?”
Additionally, joyousfoodie recently found out that she and other wedding guests will be put to work on the day of the wedding.
“I got a text from the couple saying that ‘everyone has a role to help set up. Once the ceremony is done, the wedding party will leave to take photos while the guests set up the tables for the reception.’ I was like, what?'” wrote joyousfoodie.
The couple, she said, never asked their guests if they would be willing to help out and “just dictated [to] people what to do.”
When joyousfoodie asked the couple for clarity about guests spending gas and hotel money to help set up for the wedding, “They even added that people are OK with it.”
Said the Reddit user in her post, “Where is the respect, etiquette and morals? They said that financially they can’t hire people to set up, but they had almost two years to save.”
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Instead of saving for their wedding, joyousfoodie said that the couple “went traveling instead.”
On the day of the wedding, joyousfoodie said, the couple’s parents will “do errands for them,” such as picking up the cake and the flowers.
Additionally, the bride “wants to invite her friends to the bridal shower; however, some of these friends are not invited to the wedding.”
The woman also wrote in her post, “Wish me luck on this upcoming wedding!”
Fox News Digital reached out to joyousfoodie for updates or additional comments.
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An etiquette expert told Fox News Digital that the soon-to-be married couple’s plans were a violation of most social norms regarding weddings.
The couple’s “intent for sending the notification may have been genuine. However, it could have been received as a slight or backhanded compliment,” Rosalinda Randall, a California-based etiquette expert, told Fox News Digital in an interview.
It is far more appropriate and respectful to share news of a wedding after the ceremony has concluded, she said.
Instead of sending a card before the wedding, the couple could either make a post on social media announcing the nuptials or send a “post-wedding postcard.”
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“They may consider including a note saying something like, ‘It was a small affair. We wish we could have shared this day with all of you. Thank you for the well wishes,” she said.
In recent years, “it seems that asking to have people donate to your wedding, work equipment or trip is becoming more common and acceptable,” Randall said.
She continued, “I believe that people are generous and willing to help. However, if you’re seen shopping at designer stores, dining at fine restaurants or getting your high-end car detailed, I would find that ‘unsend’ button ASAP.”
Other Reddit users were shocked at what joyousfoodie was sharing — and the post was tagged as “tacky.”
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Many people said they simply would not attend.
“This wedding sounds like a trainwreck I might skip, personally,” wrote a Reddit user by the name of “trashbinfluencer.”
Trashbinfluencer said it was wrong to expect guests to help set up.
“As for the non-invitation wedding announcements (cash grabs?), I have literally no words,” trashbinfluencer said.
User “andronicuspark” said the wedding sounded like “a very bad attempt at a gift grab.”
“So sorry you couldn’t come, thinking of you! (Fingers crossed),” said “andronicuspark,” advising joyousfoodie to skip the event.
“That’s when you decide you are sick and do not go. They are being horrible hosts, and frankly, it’s gross,” user “byteme747” said.
“I would be sending my regrets. Sorry, not sorry. They are out of their minds. Plain and simple.”
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Another Reddit user was even a bit more blunt. “The only reason I’d go to this is morbid curiosity,” wrote “Obrina98.”
The person added, “Tacky, tacky, tacky!”
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